Reading Old Books – Confessions Book VIII
Today we discuss Book VIII of Augustine’s Confessions. We will begin our discussion of Book IX in 2 weeks on April 9.
Book VIII recounts one of the most famous and important conversions in the history of the church.
Augustine summarizes his spiritual condition at the beginning of the chapter. He has put aside false thoughts about God, but was not yet converted. In one sense, he wanted to follow Christ, but could not. In the end, his sexual desires outweighed his desires for God.
Augustine heard a story from a friend of Victorinus, who was a famous scholar in Rome. Victorinius had converted late in life, and with a very public confession of faith. This conversion also resulted in an end to his career, as the Emperor Julian had passed a law forbidding Christians to teach rhetoric and literature. Augustine is impressed that such a learned man would convert, but is unable to follow his example, as he remains a slave to his lusts.
Augustine describes his spiritual state as similar to a drowsy sleeper, who knows he should wake, but instead desires for just a few more minutes of rest. He knew the truth of the Gospel, and the beauty of God, but wanted just a bit more of the pleasures of the world.
Eventually Augustine arrives at the place of utter despair. He has a desire to turn to God, but another greater desire for the world. In despair he goes out to the garden by his house where he hears a child singing repeatedly, “Pick up and read”. Hearing this, he gets his copy of Paul’s writings and opens to Romans 13:13-14:
Let us walk properly as in the daytime, not in orgies and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and sensuality, not in quarreling and jealousy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires.
On reading this, “it was as if the light of steadfast trust poured into my heart, and all the shadows of hesitation fled away”. His friend Alpyus sees the change in Augustine’s mood, and asks to see what he has read. Reading this and the following verse, Alpyus is converted as well.
Augustine ends the chapter recounting how he and Alpyus reentered the house and informed his mother of their conversions.
As I read the account of Augustine’s struggles to believe, I can’t help but think that in churches today, Augustine would have been told that he was a Christian before his actual conversion in the garden. It seems that often in our efforts to emphasize God’s free grace through faith, we forget that the biblical imperative is to repent and believe. Augustine understood this, and did not count himself a believer until God gave him the willingness to repent.
It is a reminder for me, that each day it is not enough to believe if I am unwilling to repent of my own sin.
Posted by David Fenton on Mar 26, 09:51 AM